I’m in a relationship that I know is not right for me, and God has wanted me to end it months ago

What’s on your mind?Category: NEED HELP/ADVICE (concerning life/relationships/work)I’m in a relationship that I know is not right for me, and God has wanted me to end it months ago
Sheela Leigh Staff asked 3 years ago

(1/2) Hi please help me. I’m in a relationship that I know is not right for me, and God has wanted me to end it months ago. I tried to, twice, but breaking up w/ this person proved to be difficult. & when I tried, he continued to persuade me otherwise. Then my heart doubts & gives in. I know it’s wrong, but I don’t have the courage to part now. Therefore, I feel as if God is out of my life. I can’t hear or feel him. My heart is heavy for God & this person.
(2/2) We agree to give this one more try. But this anxiety & burden is gnawing at my heart. When I pray, it even seems useless. I feel like I want to give up because what’s the point anymore. I also feel like I can’t break from this person now because we just made up & want to give it another go. I’m sorry but I just feel tied. I’m not exactly sure what kind of help I’m seeking either, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

1 Answers
Best Answer
Sheela Leigh Staff answered 3 years ago

I have a question. Did you every pray for him or about him before you became a couple or at least in the beginning of your relationship?

God blesses me whenever I get questions that I can relate to so much. Almost each and every ask I get here, it’s usually the case. I’ve been with my boyfriend, David for 4 ½ years (my longest and most mature relationship), and for 3 years before I met him, I prayed that the Lord would prepare my heart and mind for my future husband. I told the Lord I was tired of dating and flirting and playing games. I asked Him specifically to open my eyes to seek for qualities that I lack…for qualities that would compliment me and vice versa. Funny because before I prayed that way, I asked for a potential husband and I did get a potential husband. It never worked out. This time, I asked for a future husband. And guess what? He was the first to mention marriage and still initiates the subject today. I had very specific desires I often prayed about. There’s even the fact that he is so good at managing money and very practical overall. I also asked Him to not give me a “die hard Christian” because He knew that I would be intimidated and have commitment issues, and doubts. I even asked that he didn’t have to be perfect, that he was at least hungry for God and believed in Him, and that he and I would grow in faith no matter what. I asked specifically for someone I could be friends with without pressure for a long time before we could even say we loved each other. I asked for someone whom I could impart my faith on and that we would learn so much from each other. And even though he is a very practical person especially in the beginning of our relationship, because I was diligent in prayer, my faith definitely influences him today to be more faithful and not so overly practical. He’s an absolute answered prayer that God keeps proving to me time and time again. With those things I asked in prayer, He also made sure that I worked on myself. When God began to answer my prayers, I did not stop praying. Now with that said there have been very trying times since he and I have been together, and by “trying” I mean we have compromised. The struggles are there to push you to grow. It’s how strong your faith is that will determine your overall confidence about where your relationship is headed. The only reasons I am still in this relationship is because he was an answered prayer, something that brings me back to God no matter how difficult things get and because God has been so gracious to give us more faith to continue taking it one day at a time. We are growing in God’s will and in God’s pace. We are blessed that this relationship is long distance but the distance is not too far that we can’t handle. God is so great!!!

Can you remember how you felt right before you brought up breaking up to him? Know the difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow. Worldly sorrow concerns yourself and only yourself…you feel sad because you did not receive what you expected. Godly sorrow leads you back to Him…knowing what you did or said was not pleasing to God, therefore it humbled you. It’s a righteous kind of pain that ultimately makes you desire to be more obedient to Him. So let me ask you, are your complaints louder than your realization that you have been disobedient? At the time of your attempt to break up with your boyfriend (not right now but at the time), did you feel more so wronged or did you feel you deserved the outcome of your sin? You might have felt both, but be honest which one felt stronger? If you felt you were wronged, then you must practice humility, which means in your case you must be more aware of your speech and actions around him. If you feel you deserved the outcome of your sin, that’s good, but please don’t remain in a state of pity because it is a sin. If you leaned more on the second feeling, you’re in a better place with your faith and I believe you might have a chance at making this relationship right once and for all. With God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). If you didn’t feel godly sorrow at the time you brought up breaking up with him, learn to recognize it sooner than later and go to God right away. Go to Him as often as you can remember anyway.

Even though you say you can’t hear or feel God right now, the fact that you know this relationship is not right for you, that acknowledgement from deep within was from God, because your soul is crying out for righteousness. If you believe he is not right for you, then he is not right for you. I understand where you’re coming from. If you believe this relationship is not right for you, then you leave yourself subconsciously open to the the possibility that it might not be right for you right now, but it could be right later on….which could explain some of your doubts and anxiety. I could be wrong. But anyway, you know you must do something about it. What can you do now? If you even care about your boyfriend’s soul, that should tell you how much you really love him. Begin to pray more often about him and yourself. Take the focus off of praying for your relationship because that will only bring on more anxiety. I remembered doing this when I was still with my then-boyfriend…the more I prayed about our relationship, the more God revealed it was not in His favor/His will. So if you love your boyfriend, love him in a way that Jesus loves him. Genuinely be patient, genuinely be forgiving, genuinely be respectful, genuinely care about his soul and feelings by practicing righteousness. Get rid of all the things that distract you from worshiping God and that don’t allow you to show His love towards your boyfriend. Your faith will save you. Stop praying for your relationship. Please trust me. FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. The confidence and faith you will gain will build your wisdom and help you make the right decisions in order that you will keep this relationship. Hand over your concerns and anxiety to God. Hand over this relationship to Him, that’s how you can pray about it. In your prayer, never mention for Him to save it or make it work. Pray instead that He will show you what you must do to love your boyfriend like Jesus loves him. But again FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD. Pray for yourself and your relationship with God. If your boyfriend is heavy on your heart and you really love him, you will know that your relationship with GOD is so much more important, but absolutely pray for his salvation if he is not saved. If you are serious about recommitting to Him and doing the right thing, this is the only way your relationship could be saved for good. Learn to recognize godly sorrow from worldly sorrow in all situations.

My advice is to pray. Pray to be an example to him. Pray for his soul and your soul. Pray specific prayers about your relationship with God. Pray everyday as often as you can remember. Don’t take for granted each time you don’t feel like praying. It’s those times that really count. Your faith and your relationship with Him is everything. So start reading your Bible often and listen to messages that will feed your soul and share them with your boyfriend. If focusing on God while still in this relationship is too difficult for you to do, you must leave now, especially if he refuses to understand what you are trying to do. It will only be too difficult to focus on God if you continue to put him on a pedestal and sooner or later if you break up, it will be devastating. I hope this has helped. You can always message me if you have any more questions/concerns. I won’t bite. I just have a few questions I want to ask, but don’t want to make this post too long as it already is. Maybe I can help you figure out exactly what you really want to happen. A breakup for good could be your best answer. Praying for you love. <3

2 Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.

Titus 2:7-8 In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—His good, pleasing and perfect will.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

James 4:7 If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.

Romans 6:6-7 For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body ruled by sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin— because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Mark 13:11 Whenever you are arrested and brought to trial, do not worry beforehand about what to say. Just say whatever is given you at the time, for it is not you speaking, but the Holy Spirit.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

By His Grace, Sheela (Via godfirstgodalways)