Father God, I love focusing on You. I know I don’t do it all the time, but when I do I remember how awful life is when I don’t. Every time You bring me to that point, I’m so grateful because I get to choose to want to change again. And every time I want to trade my heart for Yours, You do this wonderful thing that transforms my mind. It’s an awakening that doesn’t get old. And when that happens, I’m better than yesterday and wiser than before. If I have fallen off track, You make ways for me to get back on. You’re always rooting for me and You know that I have what it takes to keep following You. Your grace is enough for me to do Your will. Wherever I turn it’s there to remind me just how awesome Your will is, that is Your plans are greater than mine. When I focus on You, I care so much more about the people in my life. I feel alive when I love with that love You freely give. Thank You for Your glory.
So I’ve been feeling the blues these past couple of weeks. I can’t blame God but I am angry because my hormones drive me crazy and maybe I’m mad at the weather too. I’m not my usual self. I haven’t got the energy to get up early to do my morning jogs because it’s cold. Well I know my body will warm up once I get going but still it’s so chilly leaving the comforts of my own blankets. There’s four of them because one is not enough, and for some reason my bedroom is also the coldest room in the house. Wow, I feel so much better than when I started. I take it that God is truly pleased when I journal or blog. Why did I even take a break? Oh yeah, I was feeling the blues. I’m trying to do so much at once. I’m trying to finish my first e-book and the site that allows me to do this for free can only give me 30 pages….that’s including the book cover and an intro and whatever else I need before page 1 actually starts, so I’m only left with 27 pages and my subtitle indicates that it’s a prayer for every day of the month. How is this going to work?! I really don’t know what to do now and I keep tweaking every sentence. I’ve been spending my mornings clearing the clutter in my parents’ office. The loft is next and these folks definitely don’t know how to keep things tidy. My aunt came to visit over the holidays. She made me turn the first floor upside down with her. I give this lady an applause. She gets away with being a dictator because she did put order in the house. It was long overdue. So she’s gone and now I’m left with a couple rooms upstairs. It’s about time. I mean the rest of 2016 will look so much brighter for my family if every thing has a home and place. There’s so much to organize. I hope to make it in time for summer when we’re going to have our first garage sale. And I’m constantly thinking if I see less clutter maybe that should help me finish my book, because then I can really focus. I really don’t want to put another project aside…who knows, I’ll go off starting a new one because that’s what I tend to do, which now brings me to overthink. Am I decluttering because I’ve run out of sentences to write? It’s a Christian book I’m asking God to help me with but I’m realizing my focus is not on Him. My focus is making everything perfect. I’m also realizing my relationships aren’t as great as they were two weeks or so ago. I think I’m making it about myself again. I’ve got to start jogging. I keep telling myself to make more videos on my channel, but every day I’m still figuring out the best position for the lights, what backgrounds to use, how to set it to achieve the highest definition….my mind is bombarded with ideas and I want to do them all at once. I keep disappointing myself trying to make everything so perfect. Why must I have to eat five times a day?! Can’t I just have one big nutritious breakfast without going nuts for sugar later on?! It’s good I went back on Facebook. I have a friend who all these years still loves me and cares for me when I thought I had disappointed her badly. And another really nice friend all the way from London, whose kindness encourages me. He also told me about a pastor who I have grown to really enjoy listening to. His name is Paul Washer. I don’t know why I’ve never heard of him before. Anyway, pastor’s good. He makes me feel awful in a good way. So yeah, I tend to make things about me, but God as my witness knows my heart, and I’m still trying to get to know His. I’ll be running in a mini marathon today and will be part of the world’s biggest gathering of leprechauns for a cause. My sister got us registered for the St. Baldrick’s Foundation. It’s just awkward that this is happening before Valentine’s Day. This should be very good for me. This gives a good chance and reason to lace up.
By His Grace, Sheela (via sheelaleigh.com)